Eric + Dabria {Healdsburg California Wedding}

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It’s not everyday you write about your little brother’s wedding, so where do you even begin? We’re going to begin with something that we have constantly gone back to in our more the 10 years of marriage.

The Art of Marriage:

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.

In the art of marriage the little things are the big things

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;
The courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

So what does all of this mean to us and what advice can we give to you two as you embark on this crazy amazing journey?

Often times we hear that our clients got married and thought they were the only ones who would struggle. “Marriage is amazing and great and when you fall in love it’s always that way.” Reality, it’s not, so don’t feel like you’re the only two in the world who will go through ups and downs. The seasons we walk through as a couple will strengthen us to become better as individuals and for one another, but more importantly, those moments will draw us into a deeper relationship with God and in turn create an incredible bond between one another. Love each moment!!!

The little things are absolutely the big things. Don’t ever forget to look at the little steps in the right direction as a blessing, but always realize that those “little things” are simply a puzzle piece in a grand picture and when you take a 30,000 foot view, how that seemingly insignificant piece was an incredible blessing. So love each moment as you build your life.

Right now, holding hands, saying “I love you” and going to sleep angry don’t seem like they’ll ever happen, but they do. Don’t get complacent with your love for one another and when you notice that you’ve gone an entire day without holding hands, saying “I love you” or you went to bed angry, acknowledge it for what it is and work to not allowing it to happen again.

Courtship. This is a big one… In a year or two, you’ll notice that things will shift a bit. Not in a bad way, just a comfortable way. Don’t ever get so comfortable that you stop pursuing one another like you do right here and right now. Love one another deeply and don’t be afraid to share that.

Build an incredibly strong foundation, mutual beliefs and values that will give you the strength to stand together when the world is telling you otherwise. The foundation you build today will be what trickles down to your family, friends and one day, children.

Doing for one another out of joy is something that doesn’t always come easy. Don’t keep score or do things because the other did something for you. “Keeping score” just creates animosity and frustration and when you constantly do things out of joy for your spouse, it changes everything!!!

Words matter. Words matter more than any of us realize and the way we use our words (body language, voice inflection, actual words) for good, you create an incredible appreciation for one another. Appreciate one another publicly, speaking words of gratitude and being willing to be open about brokenness only allows for light to thrive in your relationship. The world tells us to hide those words, think them, but never speak about it. Don’t listen. ;)

Be willing to laugh at yourself, learn flexibility, patience and know that perfection isn’t something to expect your spouse can obtain.

Some of us have the ability to forgive and FORGET, however, some have the ability to forgive, but never forget. Guess what, that’s okay. Having the strength the live in and for the future by forgiving and moving on is great. Remember that having the strength to remember the past and choosing to move on is something that is learned for others. People often say one of us has the mind of an elephant. Although that’s a good thing, it’s only good when we use it correctly. Being right just because we remember the past, isn’t always the lesson. Be willing to know when you’re using your forgive and forget strengths correctly and when you’re using them just to win an argument.

Having the ability to grow independently is HUGE. Just because we get married doesn’t mean we get to mold the other person into this person we want. You fell in love with them for their differences, their mind, their desires, etc. Give one another that space to continue developing their passions and watch what happens in your marriage.

“Establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.” There’s not much more to say about this. It’s pretty spot on.

Being the right partner is hard. It’s hard because it requires us to grow, yet be our own person and constantly think of how our actions impact our spouse. When we marry the right partner, we have to strive to be the right partner in return and that never goes away.

A lot….I know.

We love this poem for so many reasons and when things get hard, we both go back to this over and over. Reminding ourselves we constantly have to give to another person was hard. Learning that our cup had to be full before we could pour into someone else’s was a new reality. However, doing it with that one person that made our hearts explode was so fun. Enjoy the ups, the downs, the sick days and the rushed days, but most of all, enjoy one another.

With that, we are so grateful for giving us the opportunity to be a fly on the wall during your big day and hope you enjoy reliving your moments!!!

With love,

Kris & Linds

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